yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
