I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
