So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
