I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
