His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
