Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
