Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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