so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
