Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize