I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
