We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
