he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Randomize
