Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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