dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
