I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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