What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize