Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
