3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
