I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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