and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
