Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
