just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
