you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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