Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
