My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have so many feelings about this burrito
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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