If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
