i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
