he wants to bone in the snuggie
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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