I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
