my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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