maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
