here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
