Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
