Buhtt sex?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
