She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
