'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
