Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i just had sex bonerless
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
