when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
