"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
