Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
