Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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