I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
