Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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