I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
