i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Randomize
