Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
