...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
