so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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