I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
