Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
