You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
