My cat gives me a boner
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
