What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
