he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
