Yo dont text me then not text me
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
