whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
