Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
