My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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