Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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