Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
