Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
