Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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