just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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