return my video game
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
