And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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