i wish my penis had a tongue
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
