I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
