dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
handjob tips. give me some.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
