yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
